On Loving Yourself  

You love yourself the same way that you love other people. You love yourself and other people by valuing, appreciating, accepting, and protecting.

Now here is where loving yourself gets tricky:  

• You like yourself more when you're good to people, especially people you love, and you like yourself less when you're not.

• The only way to love yourself is to be compassionate and loving to others.

What We Can Get from Others  

From other people we can get advice about our appearance, values, judgment, and behavior. But this kind of feedback is always dominated by the giver's values, judgment, tastes, and personal agenda. It might be useful, but it is never objective

What We Cannot Get from Others  

Core Value: This is your birthright, your inherent value, worthiness, and equality. It can be controlled by no one but you. It can be diminished only when you violate your deepest values and enhanced when you are true to them.

Core Self: Your self-concept (emotionally charged beliefs about yourself), self-efficacy (your ability to set goals and meet them), identity (your sense of purpose), and self-esteem (how you feel about the first three).

Answer to crucial self-value questions:

How do I know that I deserve respect, whether or not others are self-respecting enough to give it to me?

I respect others, even if they disrespect me.

 

How I know I'm valuable and worthy, whether or not others treat me that way:

I'm compassionate.

 

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