Compassionate Assertiveness
In demanding change from your partner, your emotional demeanor is more important than the words you use.
It must have conviction.
Conviction stems from the belief that, for your family to have a better life, your partner must learn to sustain compassion.
It’s important to see your partner not as the enemy, but as someone who is betraying his or her deepest values by mistreating you.
Approach your partner with compassion, and say something like the following, in your own words:
“Neither of us is being the partner we want to be. I know that I am not, and I’m pretty sure that in your heart you don’t like the way we react to each other.”
“If we go on like this, we’ll begin to hate ourselves.”
“It’s hurting our children as well as us.”
“We have to become more understanding, sympathetic, and valuing of one another, for all our sakes.”
“I’m going to do the boot camp, and I hope that you will attend as well.”
You are most humane when you model compassion and insist that your partner do the same.