Media Contact #301-528-7067 (note this number is for press and media only)


Suggested interview questions for Dr. Steven Stosny


On resentment, anger, emotional abuse

On improving marriages that are not abusive

Is marriage hard?


Media Press Talking Points for

How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It


The authors will treat any couple that any TV show finds, in a before-and-after format.


The authors can offer interviews or write magazine articles on any of the following:

You'll never get a closer marriage by talking to a man like you talk to your girlfriends. It's not about "communication," it's about connection.


The emotional vocabulary gap -- why it sounds phony when he says it


Male emotions are like an invisible clitoris: you can't be too direct too quickly

The shut-down male - something is making him feel like a failure

The controlling male - trying to avoid feeling like a failure


Ways to connect with a man:


Men want closer marriages just as much as women - The stereotype of the aloof or domineering male covers up the fact that he wants to be closer too, but not if he has to feel like a woman.


What a man would tell you if he could.


What he's saying that you don't hear. A woman who understands "malespeak" will be surprised at how romantic her guy really is. (When he does this.he's really saying this.)


"What do you mean, 'I don't love you?' I go to work everyday!" - Men don't know how to say it, but their wives supply the meaning of their lives. They would go to work everyday even if she left, but it wouldn't mean the same.


Marriage counseling and self-help books fail because their advice assumes that men will become more like women - they try to appeal to women consumers by promising to get the man to talk like a woman.


Bringing Us together and Tearing Us Apart: Unconscious Fear and shame

If you're a woman, you probably would not have fallen in love with someone who made you afraid or made you worry about isolation or deprivation. In courtship you exposed vulnerability - things than made you anxious -- and he responded protectively.


If you're a man, you probably fell in love because she made you feel successful as a protector, provider, or lover - she believed in you.


After marriage, those same vulnerabilities begin to tear us apart. When she exposes her fear-vulnerability, he feels like a failure, because his protectiveness was supposed to eliminate her fear. His defensiveness makes her more afraid, which makes him more ashamed.

If she says, "I feel isolated, like I'm not getting my needs met, and you take me for granted, just want me for sex, etc.," he hears, "The way you love isn't good enough," and gets defensive. He gets angry and tries to control her or withdraws emotionally, washing his hands of it.


Pat holds women accountable for how they shame men


Steven holds men accountable for how they provoke anxiety in women through emotional disconnection or control


Improving marriage without talking:


•  Forget feelings, think motivation

•  Stepping into the puddle (sympathy with vulnerabilities you do not share).

•  Love is cheap; guilt is expensive

•  Why money and sex are such hot buttons - "I'm just a paycheck to her," and "He only wants me for sex."

•  Power Love Formula 4 ¾ minute a day to a better marriage


10 Ways Women Drive Men Away


Women are known for blaming men for the demise of the relationship, but they have their own ways to destroy a man's love. Here are the ten most lethal.



How Women Criticize Men

Many women don't realize how critical they are and how criticism drives men away. Here are 25 common ways a woman puts a man down.


25 Reasons to Have Sex When You Don't Feel Like It

Sex talks. One of the best ways to improve your marriage without talking about it is to get your sex life in tip top shape.


What Women Don't Understand About Men

What Men Don't Understand About Women


How to Handle His Anger


What His Anger Has to Do With You


What His Anger Really Means


The Surprising Truth Behind the Shut-Down Male


How Strong Is Your Relationship? Ten Questions to Determine How Affair-Proof Your Marriage Is


Are You Playing with Fire? Five Common Practices that Open the Door to An Affair



Your relationship can fail without either of you doing anything wrong.



Talking makes many matters worse-not better


The deepest forms of intimacy are beyond words-stories of real couples.


Women miss the boat because they don't touch men enough


Self-help got it wrong-you don't get rid of your emotions you regulate your emotions


Talking makes women move closer; makes men move away

Talking interests women, intimidates men.





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