Oprah Aritcle


How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love beyond Words reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness: Love is not about better communication; it's about connection. If you feel connected, it's easy to communicate. If you feel disconnected, it's almost impossible, no matter how carefully you choose your words.

Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied an all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your marriage doesn't bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart, increasing resentment and decreasing compassion. 

Underneath most couples' fights, there is a biological mechanism observed in most social animals, in which anxiety or fear of females stimulates aggression or shame in males. A woman's vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man's subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can't happen through words. Take the Fear-Shame Quiz for Women or for Men.

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don't require “trying to turn a man into a woman or a woman into a man.” Full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.

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“If you've ever told your spouse, ’I talk until I'm blue in the face,’ or ’It's in one ear and out the other,’ stop whatever you're doing and read this book immediately! You're about to discover why talking things out isn't always the best way to get through to your spouse or achieve more closeness and connection. More important, you'll learn exactly what you need to do today to truly transform your relationship forever.”

---Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, founder of divorcebusting.com and author of Divorce Busting and The Sex-Starved Marriage

“Finally a book about improving the marital relationship that honors the differences between the male and female brain!”

Louann Brizendine, M.D.
Author, The Female Brain

"Finally the answer to both a man's and a woman's fondest dreams. Just as the
title says, this book shows you how to actually create passionate, intimate
bonding and connection instead of just talking about it.                  '

Diane Sollee, MSW, founder and director, www.smartmarriages.com

Patricia Love , Ed.D., is an acclaimed therapist and speaker and author of four books, including Hot Monogamy and The Truth About Love . She has appeared on Oprah and Today and on CNN, and has contributed to many magazines, including Cosmopolitan and Self.

Steven Stosny , Ph.D., is a therapist who specializes in men's issues and has appeared on Oprah in two highly rated shows on men and marriage. The author of five books, including, You Don't Have to Take It Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One , he, too, has appeared in the most popular national media.