Are You a Resentful, Angry, Verbally Abusive, or Emotionally Abusive Woman?

It can happen to anyone!

That's right; anyone can become emotionally abusive in an intimate relationship. The path to emotional abuse begins at the point where resentment starts to outweigh compassion.

Because resentment makes you feel like a victim - it feels like someone else is controlling your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - it comes with a built-in retaliation impulse. If you're resentful, you are probably in some way emotionally abusive to the people you love. You have devalued, demeaned, sought to control or manipulate and deliberately hurt the feelings of loved ones. But you've been so focused on what you don't like about their behavior that you haven't noticed what you don't like about your own. You probably have not grasped that resentment has made you into someone you are not. 

  • Do you sometimes make your man feel like a failure as a provider, partner, parent, or lover?
  • Do you feel like you have to tell him the same thing over and over and over?
  • Does he tell you that you sometimes yell and scream or lash out at him?
  • Do your girlfriends ever remark that you might treat him badly?
  • Do you automatically blame him when things go wrong?
  • Do you resort to name-calling, swearing at him, or putting him down?
  • Do you demean or belittle him in front of other people or your children?
  • Do you threaten to take his children away so he will never see them?
  • Are you often jealous and want to know where he is at all times?
  • Would your family and friends be surprised to know how you treat him behind closed doors?

If you answered yes to any of the above, here are some things that your husband or boyfriend probably says about you:

  • She's a nag.
  • She's so moody.
  • She's so unpleasant to be around.
  • I just want her to leave me alone. 
  • Nothing I do is good enough.
  • I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

The Way Out: Self-Compassion


As we develop more self-compassion, we are motivated less by temporary feelings and more by our deepest values. As a result, we automatically become more compassionate to the people we love.

The key to a successful relationship is maintaining a sometimes delicate balance between self-compassion and compassion for loved ones.

Boot Camps

Take the Emotional Abuse Quiz (Walking on Eggshells)

See Dr. Stosny's Psychology Today blogs on:

Emotional Abuse in Relationships: It Hurts when I Love

Emotional Abuse: Overcoming Victim Identity

Emotional Abuse: Is Your Relationship Headed There?

Verbal Abuse in Relationships: The Mirror of Love

Verbal Abuse

Why your marriage counseling failed

Recovery Formula

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