If you feel that things are unfair because you're not getting enough help, appreciation, consideration, praise, reward, or affection, you're in the grips of resentful living.

Resentment builds under the radar in all relationships, because they cannot be fair all the time. The trouble comes when resentment:

  • Blocks natural compassion for loved ones and justifies disregarding their feelings
  • Forms a self-linking chain of events that makes you look for things to resent
  • Creates revenge motives in loved ones
  • Starts a downward spiral of bickering, irritability, cold shoulders, emotional shutdown, angry outbursts, and, eventually, emotional abuse


Here are the early signs that resentment is building to danger levels. Either you or your partner is:  

  • Irritated by things you used to think were cute - facial expressions, laughter, tone of voice, manner of dress, etc.
  • Losing interest in most forms of intimacy - talking, touch, hugging, sharing, sex

The following are advanced signs that resentment is becoming dangerous. Either you or your partner is:

  • Judgmental about the other's perspective without being curious to learn more about it
  • Irritated by how the other feels
  • Intolerant of differences - you should see things my way


  • Your partner seems bent on making you feel bad, irritating you, hurting you, or pushing your buttons.
  • It feels like you're sleeping with the enemy.

Take the Resentment Test