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Reviews of Love without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One

Library Journal
Stosny has put into words the techniques used in his successful Compassion-Power and Boot Camp programs, which help women who have been subjected to criticism, put-downs, or cold shoulders from their husbands or boyfriends. Complete with checklists, case studies, and well-researched information, his program not only shows the damage that verbally and emotionally abusive relationships do to spouses and children but also demonstrates how to change them, with guidance for both parties. For their part, women are directed to practice self-healing skills. Clear, timely, and on the mark; recommended for all libraries. Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.


Publishers Weekly
If you're always walking on eggshells around your partner, Stosny is writing for you. The CompassionPower founder and relationship expert draws examples and exercises from his experience working with couples as he discusses core values, anger management, power struggles and reconstruction. Resentment is Stosny's main target (not possible underlying depression, anxiety or other factors). The approach may provide false hope if the reader's reality is too complex for self-help, but it could also foster important life changes. (Jan. 10)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

"This book is revolutionary, compassionate, clear, practical, and generous. Revolutionary and compassionate in that it will change forever the way we understand emotional abuse and the heart of the abuser. Clear and practical in that it gives easy-to-follow, step-by-step guidelines for recovery. Generous in that it's all there -- the whole approach. Nothing else to buy. I highly recommend it to couples and to anyone working with couples." -- Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family & Couples Education, www.smartmarriages.com


"No other book gives such help and hope to relationships plagued by emotional and verbal abuse. Written with compassion, You Don't Have to Take It Anymore is a gift to you as well as the people you love." -- Pat Love, EdD, author of The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy


"In these pages, Stosny breaks the code of family violence and provides family members from all walks of life with a Rosetta stone on how to act and be different. His program is remarkable because it works. Simply stated, this book has a profound chance of changing family violence forever."  -- Terry Hargrave, PhD, author of Forgiving the Devil and Professor of Counseling, West Texas A&M University


This is an important book for everyone in every stage of a relationship, to heal and make whole the love we begin with. Give it as a wedding gift, birthday present, parenting gift. This is knowledge and understanding we all need to be able to heal ourselves and preserve our most cherished relationships. -- Lori H. Gordon, Ph.D. founder of PAIRS.

"This stunning book will touch men and women in powerful and different ways. A hard-nosed yet compassionate and hopeful look into the heart of toxic resentment in marriage. No married man or woman who reads this book carefully will be the same afterward." -- William J. Doherty, PhD, Director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at the University of Minnesota, author of Take Back Your Marriage


More reviews

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The Best of it's Genre , January 10, 2006
Reviewer:
Sue DeGeare (Springfield, VA United States)
Applying the information in Dr. Stosny's book will change one's life over time and provide immediate hope and comfort for those of us who are in a relationship where, over time, we have learned to "walk on eggshells" in order to avoid anger, resentment, or emotional abandonment by our spouse. I give my highest recommendation to this book, and I've read many that are meant to be helpful in dealing with this type of difficulty.

Hope for the hopeless! , January 9, 2006

Reviewer:
Diane Nicholson (Maryland, USA)
Dr. Stosny has the ability to make complex concepts understandable. Better yet, he has the ability to show others how to apply the principles he teaches! This book is a warm, hope-filled testimony to the power of compassion, and a catalyst for changing lives. I like the fact that it doesn't take two to begin the healing process in a relationship -- you can begin today, with or without your spouse or significant other. No more waiting for him or her to change, no more feelings of being held hostage emotionally, no more hopelessness. This is a book worth reading whether you need it for yourself, or want to recommend it to others.

Diane Nicholson, MA, Springhill Center for Family Development

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If you only read one book this year, READ THIS ONE. , January 9, 2006

Reviewer: Joan C. Biggs "BooksForLiving" (Phoenix,, AZ usa)

I have been healed emotionally and physicaly through applying Dr. Stosny's principles. The CompassionPower principles presented in this book have dramatically changed every area of my life for the better. Learning how to do HEALS in Dr. Stosny's Boot Camp have made all the difference and I finally have compassion for myself, my family members and even for my abusers. I now understand why I have had so many problems with resentment and unhealthy anger. True compassion is growing in side of me daily, freeing me from my past and giving me the power to make decisions that are in my long term best interest. I thank God every day for Dr. Stosny. Sincerely, Joan B

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Life Changing Program , March 7, 2006
Reviewer: KPO - See all my reviews
Steven Stosny's book and Boot Camp program are a life changing event. I am a stubborn Marine with 45+ years of doing things one way, without compassion. It clearly wasn't working and I knew it. I have been working on changing for more than 20 years. While working through this program I experienced an epiphany that has opened a floodgate of positive change in my life. As a result of Steven Stosny, this book and his programs, my life will never be the same.

If you are a man, and you have the guts to admit that what you are doing isn't working this book and actively pursuing the program outlined in it will change you for the better.

A method that WORKS , February 17, 2006
Reviewer:
Patience H. Mason (High Springs, FL) - See all my reviews
This book is clearly and compassionately written and gives directions that have changed my life! I can't reccommend it too highly. Give yourself the gift of this book. It will comfort you and teach you how to have a happy life whether anyone else changes or not. My experience has been that when I changed, things got better, even though I thought other people were the/my problem.

You Don't Have to Take It Anymore , February 12, 2006

Reviewer: George Polley (Seattle) - See all my reviews
I have been in the psychotherapy field for 40 years, and I have never run across a book as impactful on abusive men as this one, which I first read about in an email newsletter from SmartMarriages. The author, Steven Stosny, PhD, presents the material in a manner that engages both the abuser (usually male) and his spouse or partner. It is eminently practical and, more importantly, IT WORKS! I have had abusive clients read it, like it, and sign up for one of Dr Stosny's "Bootcamp" weekends without my suggesting it, then return from their experience already making significant changes. When an abused spouse reports feeling calm, that's something. When her spouse doesn't fly into a rage when she tells him she still doesn't trust that his changes will last, that's impressive.

The book is divided into four parts: Walking on Eggshells, Reclaiming the Self, The Boot Camp (for the abuser), and Resurrection for Your Marriage.

If you're an abuser, buy this book and practice what Dr. Stosny teaches. If you're a clinician, buy the book and begin using it in your practice.

George Polley, MSW, LICSW
Learning to Value yourself is the beginning........... , February 10, 2006
Reviewer:
Glenda G W North (Burke, VA United States) - See all my reviews
If all this book taught were the concept of and ability to value yourself, it would be a wonder for just that. But that's just the beginning. A friend of mine said that through 3 years of therapy he only learned all the causes for his anger, but the method Steven Stosny explains in this book taught him how to stop being angry. It's not just a feel-good book, it can help you make real, positive, permanent changes in your life and in your marriage. Dr. Stosny's not only has deep insight into attachment relationsships; he makes it easy to understand and act on.

Enlightening and Powerful! , February 8, 2006

Reviewer: Mary A. Anderson (Batavia, IL.) - See all my reviews
"You Don't Have to Take It Anymore" provides all the tools you need to HEAL from angry and resentful relationships. By empowering the reader to take action to change every relationship in their lives, the feeling of powerlessness that walking on eggshells creates disappears for good! Dr. Stosny's approach of using compassion to heal "The Powerful Self" (another great book by Stosny!) is both enlightening and unique! Do yourself a favor - Learn and implement this material! If you do, your life WILL change for the better!

An amazing book! , January 24, 2006
Reviewer: Mary Brooks - See all my reviews
I borrowed this book from the library and liked it so much I bought a copy. It is very easy to understand and make significant changes for the better in how you see yourself and in your relationship. I've tried the program outlined in the book and it works! And it works if you just do it yourself for yourself. I highly recommend this book. Thank you Dr. Stosny.

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